Being Emotional

Being Emotional

Emotions are awful. Being an emotional person is awful. And being an emotional guy is just downright the worst thing that could ever happen to you. This is not me saying that emotional girls don’t have it rough, but being an emotional guy is just…bad. It even sounds wrong.

Science tells us that our personalities are determined both by heredity and the social environment; aka nature and nurture. They develop throughout our lifetime, but childhood is when the majority of the development occurs. Personality development slows down drastically the older you get.

Now, I grew up primarily with my mom. My dad wasn’t really around as much because of work, so my mom raised me. She’s an emotional person, and guess what, I turned out exactly like her. Growing up, she exposed me to TV shows like Winnie the Pooh and Disney movies like Beauty and the Beast and Hercules. The music I was exposed to made matters even worse. It was just 24/7 repeats of the Backstreet Boys, and N’ Sync, and the New Kids on the Block. That’s the music I grew up on; boy band music. And those things ended up sticking with me. And because of that, I ended up becoming the emotional mess I am today.

Part of being emotional means overthinking everything. It means remembering painful memories from the past and getting upset over and over again. It also means feeling lonely even when you’re surrounded by people. It’s hard too because my family and friends don’t understand it. They’re not at all like me so it becomes a challenge dealing with it. I cry way more than I should. I cry when friends leave, or when I go through a breakup, or when I fail a physics quiz that I studied weeks for. All that stuff makes me cry and I hate it. It makes life difficult. It makes meeting new people difficult because I get attached so easily.

It’s hard being emotional. It’s hard living like that. I wish I could say something positive about it, but I really can’t. I wish I wasn’t emotional. I wish I didn’t feel things as strongly as I did. I wish I didn’t care as much as I do…but it is what it is. And you just have to take it a day at a time.

No Type

No Type

When I was young younger, I used to have a crush on Alex from Wizards of Waverly Place. You know, the character played by Selena Gomez? It wasn’t just her looks though. I really liked her personality; tomboyish, fun, mischievous, and just the right amount of sweet. I started thinking of her as my dream girl. That became my type.

And from there on, I started to not really entertain the possibility of dating any girl who didn’t fit my type. It was either I find someone like Alex, or I find no one. It was very stupid of me. It was very childish of me. Quite frankly, it didn’t really make sense. How could I think Alex was my type when I’d never even dated anyone before? How could I think Alex was my dream girl when I didn’t even know if we’d mesh together properly?

That’s the problem with having types. Oh, you want a 6 foot guy with a thick head of hair? Well, what if he has anger issues? Oh, you want a girl who’s nice and sweet? Well, what if you end up finding her boring? Oh, you want someone who lives in the gym? Well, what if they put pineapple on their pizza?

There are so many potential deal breakers out there we don’t even consider when creating our dream partner. I probably overlooked many amazing girls in search for my Alex. And guess what? When I finally fell for someone, when I finally caught feelings, it wasn’t for Alex, it was for someone who was her exact opposite.

My first girlfriend was incredibly girly. She was sweet and caring and emotional. She wasn’t Alex. She was better. She was real. So many people, like me, will pass on an amazing person because of their over the top expectation that their dream partner is waiting for them right around the corner. They think their dream partner will just land on their lap with a stroke of destiny. That’s not life. Life is not some Judd Apatow movie. It just doesn’t work that way.

Don’t get me wrong, having a type is not some horrible issue. But only dating people that fit your type is limiting yourself to the possibility of finding someone whom you’ll have a very real and very genuine connection with. And isn’t that the goal? Finding someone you mesh with? Finding someone who gives you butterflies?

University Soliloquy

University Soliloquy

I think it’s inevitable that in university we sometimes feel as if we don’t belong. You sit in classes filled with these genius individuals and you begin to doubt your own self-worth and credibility. It doesn’t help when you put a week’s worth of studying into a midterm, and end up with a low 60. Yeah, that can be rough.

I used to think about dropping out three to four times a day. I didn’t think I was meant for university life. It seemed like no matter how much effort I put, my results just couldn’t back anything up. And I know I’m not alone. I have a lot of friends who felt, and still feel, the same way. Some of my friends have even dropped out. To each their own.

That being said, on the first day of my second year at university, my psychology professor gave a soliloquy of sorts to my entire class. It was very long, and I don’t remember most of what she said, but the words that stuck with me were (and I’m paraphrasing here):

“I know you all must feel overwhelmed. It’s university. That’s bound to happen. But let me tell you something. You guys need to realize that, just by being here, just by being in university and in this class, your intellect level is way above average. You are all smart people and no matter how you do in this class or your other classes, you are all destined for great things. Getting into university, in and of itself, is a huge accomplishment and you should feel very proud. No one can take this away from you”.

That hit me hard. No one can take this away from me; from us. University is difficult to get into. University is difficult to go through. This isn’t some cakewalk. It’s something so simple but so easily forgotten. It’s something we all need to hear from time to time.

She ended off her soliloquy with a joke about how, if we didn’t pay our tuition on time, we’d be forced to drop out.