Stress Relievers

Stress Relievers

Life gets stressful. It gets demanding and overwhelming and it can be scary at times. In those times, it’s good to have something to fall back on. It’s good to have something which can relax you.

Everyone needs it too. Life is not simple, and whoever said that lied. Relationships are hard, exams are hard, jobs are hard, and all of it together is just…messy. We’re not robots. We’re humans, and as humans, we can’t have it together every hour of everyday. That shouldn’t even be expected of us. We all need a break. It does wonders. Being mentally well is just as important as being physically well.

For me, when life gets a little too much, I write. Writing is therapeutic for me. Putting all my emotions into words helps ease their weight. But different things work for different people. I had a coworker once who liked to fold clothes whenever she got stressed. I have a friend who watches Grey’s Anatomy whenever she gets overwhelmed.

Life is going to be difficult no matter what. You just have to find a way to deal with it. Finding that certain stress reliever that works for you can make all the difference.

First Impressions

First Impressions

We’re a generation that lives off first impressions. We’re a generation that bases everything off of first impressions. We’re superficial. Very rarely do we make the effort to get to know someone at a deeper level. We hide from vulnerability. We hide from meaningful connections. We change people like we change socks.

Social media plays a big part in this. It’s so easy to connect with people nowadays. You can be sitting at home in Canada and be talking to someone you met online who lives in Portugal. And that’s led to us having a lot of people we talk to, but not having a whole lot of friends. It’s also led to us dropping our friends at the slightest inconvenience because we know we can just go online and start up a chat with someone new.

Social media has also given us unrealistic expectations on how our life is supposed to be. We see all these individuals on social media who seem to have their life together based on the pictures they post of their cars or of their vacations and whatnot. And we think that’s all that their life is; cars and vacations. But that’s just their first impression.

Essentially, we’ve become lost. We’re so conditioned to wanting that life, that the second we see some sort of crack in ours, instead of trying to fix it, we try to change everything up. We want our whole life to look like a celebrity’s Instagram page. We want people who add value to our life, not stress, but with people, most times you have to take the good with the bad.

You see, people are going to put up fronts all the time when they meet new people. They’ll put on acts to appeal to that person. A good first impression is always important, but first impressions are hard to maintain, whether good or bad. You can’t always be that funny, or that clumsy, or that laid back. You’re a human being. You’re not going to have it together every hour of every day…and that’s alright. That has to be alright.

 

Why I Gym

Why I Gym

I’ve always been the skinny kid; always. I was tall and lanky in elementary school and that didn’t change throughout middle school or high school. I never used to go to the gym. I played sports but the gym wasn’t really my thing.

I ended up starting the gym a year ago, and the reason I started is not the reason why most people start. I didn’t do it to get girls. I didn’t do it to get “huge”, per say. I did it because my life was a mess a year ago. And that’s the best way for me to put it, I think. My life became a mess based on two key things; my grades and my relationship.

Let’s talk about grades first. My first year of University had been bad; grades wise. I’d been on residence and my grades had taken the hit for it. So, come second year, I was determined to boost my GPA up. I had a goal in mind and I studied like crazy for it. I stopped going out. I rarely ever went to a party. It became all about school work. I ended up falling short of my goal.

Next up, my relationship. Around that time was when my girlfriend and I switched from the “Honeymoon” phase to the “Let’s Fight Everyday” phase. It was on both of us. We were both wrong for each other and we took it out on each other accordingly. I didn’t wanna just throw in the towel though. So I would try. I tried giving her more of my time, I tried buying her gifts, I tried planning more romantic dates, and all that culminated in her cheating on me.

Now, you might be wondering how those two events relate to me starting up the gym. Well, here’s the way I saw it. I had put all this effort into getting my ideal GPA, and I didn’t have anything to show for it. I had put all this effort into making it work with my girlfriend, and I didn’t have anything to show for that either. With the gym, it’s really about how much you put into it. It looked to me as the first thing in my life where all my hard work and effort wouldn’t go wasted. The amount of effort I would put into working out, would be the amount of result I would end up seeing, and that’s proved to be true.

I’d just become so tired of trying and trying and having nothing good come out of it. I needed a sure thing, and the gym became, or has become, my sure thing.

Inferiority Complex

Inferiority Complex

You know what’s really interesting? Living with an inferiority complex. And I say interesting, because in this day and age, we’re so accustomed to snapchatting and instagramming and tweeting every aspect of our lives. I mean, realistically, we all probably know 10 different people that we know everything about, even though we haven’t talked to them since the first day of high school. It’s become a norm, you know? It’s expected of you to have your whole life up on social media. It’s expected of you to be posting an abundance of selfies showcasing just how on point your jawline is…and whatnot.

I say interesting also because I didn’t use to have an inferiority complex. Back in high school, I was incredibly self-absorbed. It was fucking awesome. I loved everything about myself. But then I went to university, and everything changed. Not my looks; I look the exact same but my perception of myself changed. University is also when I started sleeping around with girls, and I think, to some extent, that may have affected me, but I don’t see how or why. In high school, I didn’t really go out with anyone. In university, I go out with a different girl every weekend. You’d think that would boost my self-confidence. It doesn’t. It just makes me feel…empty.

And it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even like taking selfies of myself anymore. I don’t like taking selfies with friends either because I don’t feel good looking enough for them. I have 1 picture of myself on my Instagram and that took me incredibly long to post, and I didn’t even want to post it, but I did it so I’d have at least 1.

I kind of took all this in recently when I went out this past weekend with my friend to take pictures for his photography blog. I filled in as the “model” and that’s when I realized how bad it really was. Standing in front of the camera felt awkward. I’ve never felt more present in my life. I could hear every time he clicked the camera, and I could hear every conversation happening around us, and I felt uncomfortable and as if I wasn’t good enough to have my friend taking pictures of me. And I just wanted to not be there. I wanted to go hide somewhere.

And it’s not just looks either. It’s everything. I don’t feel I’m smart enough for my parents. I don’t feel I’m talented enough to do anything worthwhile with my life. I don’t feel my personality is good enough to make the girl I’m head over heels for like me back. There’s self doubt everywhere; in every aspect of my life. It’s bad. It’s…overwhelming.

Falling For Your Friends

Falling For Your Friends

Can a guy and girl be just friends with each other? Yes, absolutely. Not every guy and girl can but many guys and girls can. Now, is it wise to fall for your friends? No, absolutely not. It’s messy and it’s complicated. It’s not like in the movies or in TV shows. Not all friendships can become relationships as easily as Chandler and Monica’s did. More often, it’s gonna end up being like Joey and Rachel.

Now, I’ve always been against blurring the line between a friendship and a relationship. That means don’t make out with your friend, don’t sleep with your friend, and don’t date your friend. But sometimes we can’t help it. Sometimes things happen and life gets difficult. For example, I think I’ve fallen in love with my best friend. And that sounds just as bad as it is.

Amid all the inside jokes and the constant teasing, I caught feelings. I say love really loosely though because, realistically, who the fuck knows what that is? I thought I was in love with my first girlfriend. I wasn’t. With my friend, though, it’s different. It’s a different sort of feeling. And it sucks because it happened so unexpectedly.

It feels like one second she was telling me about all her problems with her boyfriend and the next I was wishing that I was her boyfriend. Obviously though, I wasn’t gonna tell her anything cause of my strict moral code–I’m not a home wrecker. So I didn’t. I put up a front and I listened every time she wanted to complain about her boyfriend, and you know what, I always supported her boyfriend, which probably sounds incredibly sad, and it is, but I knew how happy he made her so I wasn’t going to let her break up with him over just any small issue. And my feelings were irrelevant there. I would be over her in a few weeks…no big deal.

Flash forward a year and I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about before I go to sleep, cliché but it’s true. Whenever something even remotely exciting happens to me, she’s the first person I wanna tell or I immediately wish that she was there to see it happen with me. Everything she’s insecure about, I can’t help but fawn over. So yeah, I’m pretty fucked here.

Last month I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt. We ended up going on two dates and then she ended it. She texted me some long winded explanation about why she couldn’t continue with this, but I didn’t really understand it. I couldn’t. All I could think about was how pretty her eyes were the last time I saw her. I repeat; I’m fucked.

Obviously though I can’t force her to keep trying with me. So, now I have to try and move on. But that’s hard because I talk to her everyday and I see her so much. And I can’t just stop talking to her or seeing her because she’s my best friend and I don’t wanna lose her. But how else am I supposed to move on? I mean, it’s been a year and I’m absolutely crazy about her.

I’ve tried different things too. The first 10 months before I told her how I felt, I tried sleeping around. I thought I could get rid of my feelings that way. It didn’t work. It just made me feel really empty so I put a stop to it. Then I tried dating someone else. That ended up blowing up in my face. So, I’m just in limbo now. And I don’t know what to do.

Being Emotional

Being Emotional

Emotions are awful. Being an emotional person is awful. And being an emotional guy is just downright the worst thing that could ever happen to you. This is not me saying that emotional girls don’t have it rough, but being an emotional guy is just…bad. It even sounds wrong.

Science tells us that our personalities are determined both by heredity and the social environment; aka nature and nurture. They develop throughout our lifetime, but childhood is when the majority of the development occurs. Personality development slows down drastically the older you get.

Now, I grew up primarily with my mom. My dad wasn’t really around as much because of work, so my mom raised me. She’s an emotional person, and guess what, I turned out exactly like her. Growing up, she exposed me to TV shows like Winnie the Pooh and Disney movies like Beauty and the Beast and Hercules. The music I was exposed to made matters even worse. It was just 24/7 repeats of the Backstreet Boys, and N’ Sync, and the New Kids on the Block. That’s the music I grew up on; boy band music. And those things ended up sticking with me. And because of that, I ended up becoming the emotional mess I am today.

Part of being emotional means overthinking everything. It means remembering painful memories from the past and getting upset over and over again. It also means feeling lonely even when you’re surrounded by people. It’s hard too because my family and friends don’t understand it. They’re not at all like me so it becomes a challenge dealing with it. I cry way more than I should. I cry when friends leave, or when I go through a breakup, or when I fail a physics quiz that I studied weeks for. All that stuff makes me cry and I hate it. It makes life difficult. It makes meeting new people difficult because I get attached so easily.

It’s hard being emotional. It’s hard living like that. I wish I could say something positive about it, but I really can’t. I wish I wasn’t emotional. I wish I didn’t feel things as strongly as I did. I wish I didn’t care as much as I do…but it is what it is. And you just have to take it a day at a time.

No Type

No Type

When I was young younger, I used to have a crush on Alex from Wizards of Waverly Place. You know, the character played by Selena Gomez? It wasn’t just her looks though. I really liked her personality; tomboyish, fun, mischievous, and just the right amount of sweet. I started thinking of her as my dream girl. That became my type.

And from there on, I started to not really entertain the possibility of dating any girl who didn’t fit my type. It was either I find someone like Alex, or I find no one. It was very stupid of me. It was very childish of me. Quite frankly, it didn’t really make sense. How could I think Alex was my type when I’d never even dated anyone before? How could I think Alex was my dream girl when I didn’t even know if we’d mesh together properly?

That’s the problem with having types. Oh, you want a 6 foot guy with a thick head of hair? Well, what if he has anger issues? Oh, you want a girl who’s nice and sweet? Well, what if you end up finding her boring? Oh, you want someone who lives in the gym? Well, what if they put pineapple on their pizza?

There are so many potential deal breakers out there we don’t even consider when creating our dream partner. I probably overlooked many amazing girls in search for my Alex. And guess what? When I finally fell for someone, when I finally caught feelings, it wasn’t for Alex, it was for someone who was her exact opposite.

My first girlfriend was incredibly girly. She was sweet and caring and emotional. She wasn’t Alex. She was better. She was real. So many people, like me, will pass on an amazing person because of their over the top expectation that their dream partner is waiting for them right around the corner. They think their dream partner will just land on their lap with a stroke of destiny. That’s not life. Life is not some Judd Apatow movie. It just doesn’t work that way.

Don’t get me wrong, having a type is not some horrible issue. But only dating people that fit your type is limiting yourself to the possibility of finding someone whom you’ll have a very real and very genuine connection with. And isn’t that the goal? Finding someone you mesh with? Finding someone who gives you butterflies?